4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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