office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
