Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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