How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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