I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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