She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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