I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
