Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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