I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
