Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
