You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
