normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
