I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
