I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
