someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
