Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
