Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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