i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
