so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
