Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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