my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
