sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
