Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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