Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
