we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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