Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
