you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
