you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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