Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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