I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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