He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
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Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
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You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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