Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
