after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
