Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
