Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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