So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i've created a new STD.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
