I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
