You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
dude i'm inner monologue high
That's when you crack a 10am beer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
These tits shall not be calmed
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
