How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
