No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
