I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
