how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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