I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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