WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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