I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
