I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
