It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
