a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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