Jerry, you need to find god
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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