dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
