Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
