After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
