i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
