Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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