I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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