Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
