hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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