There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
