i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
