So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
