I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
