if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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