Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
