He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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