I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
