did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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