you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
