Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
