You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
