you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
