it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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