shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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