I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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