I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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