Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
